Sunday, 6 June 2010

Scarred For Life?

So, I have had several conversations with those who have been emotionally hurt from previous relationships and a small number remains or prefers to stay emotionally detached from their new encounters, considering them as pawns for fun OR perhaps they might be constantly questioning the other party's motives once they have proceeded past the first stage of the relationship - are they treating me genuinely or are they merely taking me for a joy ride?

These insecurities originate from the failed relationships of the past and they fear the recurrence of such hurtful events. They say they will never love again, nor trust again, yet they end up with many new situations. Hence, the question is - Does bitterness or hate really change someone?

Personally, I feel that it's all part of a learning curve. Each experience teaches somebody something different. Bitterness develops because the person cannot comprehend the reason behind why the relationship has failed - we were so happy, why did it end? And the feeling usually persists for a while. Nonetheless, you will eventually realise that the experience has taught you something and you can put it to use in your next relationship. Bitterness should not last forever.

Hence, you have to learn how to:

1) ACCEPT. Promises have been broken, marriages dissolve and friends disappear. This is all part and parcel of life and life is too short. It is not worth mourning over a breakup, wallowing in self pity or living in memories of the past for an extended period of time.

2) FORGIVE. Sometimes it’s difficult to forgive if you feel that forgiveness leaves you vulnerable to future repeats of the same negative treatment. But learning how to gives one the sense of dignity and emotional liberation.

3) WRITE. Writing about a situation where you were hurt or wronged can help you process what happened and move on; however, the way you write about it and what you choose to focus on can make all the difference in how easy it becomes to forgive.

4) OCCUPY YOURSELF. The solution is to change your focus of attention - physical activities, hanging out with friends, getting a job or in my case, it would be retail therapy.

I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose. - Rita Rudner.

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